Saturday, May 1, 2010

Why I Hate Gum

I hate chewing gum. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I'd keep going on the hates, but I don't want to keep typing it, and I'm too lazy to cut and paste. Why do I hate gum, you might ask? It's complicated, and it wasn't always that way. When I was a little kid I used to love gum. My favorite was watermelon Bubbalicious. One year for my birthday I got a pink gumball machine. Gum was everywhere! And after it got into hair and the couch and carpet one too many times, my mom declared our house a gum free zone. And that was pretty much the end of my gum chewing. While I was once solidly on the side of gum chewer, or even on the fence, I am now completely in the gum is evil and should be banned camp. For awhile it was illegal to chew gum in Singapore. A country after my own heart.

What do I have against gum? Well, let's see.

First of all it's disgusting to listen to someone chew gum. Chomp chomp chomp. And it's more disgusting to watch them.

When people pop their gum it makes me want to pop them one.

People don't just put their gum in the trash when they are done with it. No, they spit it out on the ground, stick it under tables, on the outsides of trash cans; basically anywhere someone is guaranteed to step in it you can find it.

Children find dried up gum stuck under a table and put it in their mouths. Eww.

Have you tried getting gum out of carpet? Hair? Have you had someone tried to get gum out of your hair.

I can't stand the smell of it. Doesn't matter what flavor, and I especially hate mint.

It is unsightly to see a piece of chewed up gum on someone's plate. I don't want to see that. No one wants to see that.

I realize I am in the minority, and even my beloved Singapore repealed the gum ban. Within hours the sidewalk in front of the airport was covered in spit out gum, but that's what they get for backing down. I myself am even being a little lenient. My little 4-year-old has discovered gum. I have given her the following rules: if I ever find a piece of chewed gum in or near the car, you won't be chewing gum anymore. I find it on my floor or anywhere else in the house, you won't be chewing gum any more. If I have to cut it out of your hair, no more gum for you. And it gets spit out before coming to the dinner table, and it only gets spit in the kitchen trash. And if you swallow it, you're done with gum.

So far she's doing okay abiding by the rules, but one of these days she's going to mess up and then it's "Welcome to Singapore." No gum allowed.

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