Saturday, June 4, 2011

To Catch a Woman

Because I wrote a post about catching a man, it's only fair that I write one on how to catch a woman.

Bathe frequently. Use deodorant. Daily. Wear clean clothes and do your laundry frequently.

Have a job.

If you have a car, try to keep the interior relatively clean.

Never compare anything your girlfriend/wife/fiancée does to how your mom doesn't it. You will pretty much guarantee yourself that you will never get whatever it was again.

Shave your face. If you must have a mustache or beard, fine, but if it is scruffy and makes you look unkempt, you aren't helping yourself out.

Do not make remarks about how many pairs of shoes she owns. We don't think that's funny.

Remember anniversaries, birthdays, and especially Valentines Day.

If you are on a date, put the blackberry away. Unless you are a doctor or a special ops guy who could be called away on a secret mission at any time, you can go for a couple of hours without checking in. And if you can't, do it in the bathroom.

If your girlfriends eyes start to glaze over while you are blathering on about something, consider changing the conversation and talking about something else.

Spending a lot of money on a girl who really isn't that into you isn't going to make her like you more. In fact, she will think you are a sucker.

If you can't afford lobster, then don't take her to an expensive lobster serving restaurant. It's really okay to stay within your budget. In the long run, most girls are not going to be impressed without your massive visa bill that you racked up trying to impress her, or worse, previous girlfriends.

Just keep your piehole shut about her mother, and don't say rude things about her cooking. If it is awful, be tactful. Saying "this meal tastes like dog crap" is going to hurt her feelings, and make her wonder why you tasted dog crap in the past.

Most chicks don't consider crackers and cheese in a can as fulfilling meal. And ditto for chili cheese dogs.

If you make her watch sports, be prepared to spend time holding her purse in the mall while she shops for more shoes.

If a girl asks you if something makes her look fat, do not give an honest answer, whatever you do.

If you aren't ready for a longtime relationship or a marriage commitment, don't string some poor girl along. At least tell her you aren't into her.

Go ahead and open doors for her. If you occasionally forget, it's not that big of a deal. And when we open our own doors, don't make a big deal out of it.

Try to remember to put the seat down.

Floss. Really.

In the long run, having a hobby other than video games is a plus.

Don't wear white socks with dress pants. Just don't. If you aren't sure of what clothes to buy, ask the salesperson, if you don't have a sister to take you shopping.

Girls like a man who can cook.

Be prepared to pay for dates, but don't make a stink out of it if she insists on buying or paying half.

Remember that looks fade, but stupid is forever.

If she doesn't like football/sci fi/fishing now, odds aren't good that she will like them any more after you're married.

When a woman is telling you about her problems, she doesn't always want you to fix them. If you want to solve the problem, ask her if she wants a solution before you offer it.

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