Monday, March 21, 2011

Things I’d Like To See, Pageant Edition


Metallica. Can you imagine a sequin-clad girl singing "Enter Sandman"? That would be priceless.

Something on the xylaphone.

Drum solo.

Obscure show tunes, but not from The Wiz.

Tap dancing.

I've never actually seen someone do fire batons. They aren't allowed at Miss America, but I think the ability to toss a flaming baton around your head and not get burned is a practical skill, particularly if you become an arsonist or a ninja. And what pageant girl doesn't dream of becoming a ninja?

An opening number that isn't The Black Eyed Peas. Maybe a nice choreographed dance to some Creedence.

A contestant with a Mohawk.



Vintage bathing suits.

American Gladiator style obstacle course, with contestants battling it out with the giant q-tips. Last girl standing wins the round.

Proof of actual fitness, not just who looks good in a swim suit. How many pushups, pull-ups, and sit-ups can they do? Let's see that onstage.

Two words, cage match.



Obscure questions taken from movies that the girls won't understand but some members of the audience will. Like "what is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" If the contestant says "African or European" they get the points.

Or what about asking each girl the same question so the judges can compare answers.

Rorschach tests.

Finish the phrase a man walks into a bar.


New Categories:

Limericks. Each girl is given part of a limerick and they have to finish it on the spot.

WWDD, also known as What would Darth Vader do? Give the girls a hypothetical situation, or even a real world situation, and then they have to come up with how Darth Vader would deal with it.

A Jeopardy-like trivia section to test intellect.

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