Thoughts on Miss America

Miss America has no political power. She doesn't really get to do anything, other than sing the national anthem at baseball games, go to Disneyland and do charity work. Good thing there's scholarship money, or it would be a total rip.

If you are competing in a high profile pageant, it would be a really good idea to really think your talent through. Maybe singing "Papa Was a Rolling Stone" isn't the best choice for the competition, even if you are an alto.

The chick who sings opera almost always wins.

No one wants to know if you've eaten termites.

Posture is important. The viewers at home notice when you are hunched over.

Ask some people who don't know you what they think of your evening wear choice. They can be honest and tell you the truth, keeping you from looking stupid on national tv.

Even if she wears a bikini, poor Miss Utah isn't going to make it past the swimsuit round.

Apparently the answer to the final question really isn't that important, since no one really answers the questions anyway.

Do they let the contestants write their own statements to introduce themselves and their states? If so, does anyone double check the facts? Like the fact that the Boston Tea Party wasn't really about tea, but taxation without representation? And why does Miss Utah always have to mention polygamy or the birth rate?

Miss North Dakota had the best statement: from the state that gives you gas. I wanted her to win just for that.

Watch for panty lines. I'm just saying.

It would still be nice to see the contestants do either the Wipeout course or an American Gladiator course to prove physical fitness. Looking good in a swimsuit just doesn't do that. It just shows that you look good in a swim suit. Try to pick a suit that doesn't make your butt look big.

Practice walking in heels a lot. You don't want to be the contestant who trips.

If you didn't have enough time to get dressed backstage, forget the earrings. They just distract the viewers anyway.

The home viewers do not want to see the contestants rushing out of the dressing room in their evening gowns. That ruins the surprise when they walk out on stage. It takes out both the wow factor and the what the heck was she thinking factor.

No one believes that you are all the greatest of friends and you'd be happy for whoever won. Admit it, you are steamed you didn't make the final 10.

Doesn't matter who the host is, the dialogue stinks.

If your dress looks like you made it out of Jiffy Pop, think twice.

It seems like the girls should get to wear flip flops with their swimsuits. Who is going to wear high heels to the beach?

Huge earrings are a distraction, especially when one of them is missing.

Apparently there is a civil rights movement involving beauty queens and the rest of the world. I wonder if it's led by Sarah Palin?

Life Lessons from The Princess Bride

Life is Pain. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.

There is no money in revenge.

Never match wits with a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Never trust people in masks.

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Not even death can stop true love.

Sometimes miracles do happen.

The Dread Pirate Roberts leaves no survivors, except sometimes.

Humperdink is a stupid name.

On Snow

I hate snow. Hate it, hate it, hate it. I don't know if there are enough distasteful words in the dictionary to describe how much I hate snow. It wasn't always this way of course. As a child I loved snow, loved playing in the snow, sledding in the snow, making snow angels. Even walking to school in the snow (barefoot and uphill both ways) wasn't too bad. No, I didn't start hating snow until after I had to start shoveling it. Unearthing the car, unearthing the driveway…really not so much fun. My parents didn't get a snow blower until after I left home.

Until we got our house, Brent and I were constantly removing snow from our cars. Thankfully we now have a garage, and only cars are allowed to be in it. Well, cars and some other stuff, but not so much stuff that our cars are out in the driveway getting covered with stupid snow. It saves time, and is much safer to leave the house when you don't have to scrape off your windows and wait for the car to defrost.

We do have a snowblower, albeit an old, small one that we got for free when my grandpa Brimhall died. It's got to be at least 15 years old, but it was free. And until it dies I just can't see springing for a new one. Until recently Brent was gone most of the time, so it seemed pointless to buy a new one when it gets used once or twice a year.

This year I have had to shovel more snow than I have ever wanted to in my entire life. Every time I shovel my back hurts sooner and I do less and less. I'm pretty much at the point where I'd better quit shoveling. The other day I shoveled just enough to get the car out, and then the snow plow put snowman size chunks of snow in the driveway, and I had to remove enough of the snow to get her to school. And of course we ended up being late for school.

I was so mad I started yelling at the snow and kicking it, telling it exactly what I thought. I'm sure the neighbors got quite a show, and were amused by my rant about how I hate snow, winter, Utah, Utah winter weather, snow shovels, and on and on. The snow was very deep and heavy that day. Two days later it got worse, and then it got even worse than that. We have to have close to two feet of snow out there, and of course H is having a ball. As she should. Her job is to play in the snow and have fun, not remove it from the sidewalk and driveway so you can get the car out. Maybe I'll just homeschool her for the winter…

Snow

You ever notice how people who think the snow is so beautiful on the trees and the ground and the mountains are not the ones pushing a snow blower or hefting a snow shovel?

Migraines are Evil

So I have basically had a migraine everyday for the last couple of months. Since I can't seem to sit at a computer for more than 10 minutes without incurring another one, it has been and probably will be awhile until I get another post done. And I have a great one in my head about Halloween Costumes.

Of PTA and Suckers

So it turns out that if you sign the paper to be a room mother you are not signing up to help in the classroom, you are signing up to be in charge of all of the parties in the classroom. Back in my day a room mother was a mommy who came in and helped out once in awhile, not the party mommy. So while I feel a little bit like a sucker, I have to admit that I do like to plan parties, so this really isn't a horrible assignment. Even though I was suckered into it.

Halloween Ghost

I hate the Halloween Ghost. The stupid ghost that shows up at your house with a plate of goodies and an admonition to make two more plates of goodies and keep it going on around the neighborhood. I also hate his cousin, the Christmas Star.

Why do I hate this tradition, you might ask. For starters, the stupid ghost does not make it around the entire neighborhood. Someone is always left out, which is obvious by the lack of a Xeroxed ghost in the window. Of course they also might be trying to score extra goodies by not displaying the ghost. But it becomes pretty obvious pretty fast who the popular families in the neighborhood are. And if you happen to live in an area where most of the people are members of the same religion, it also shows who the outsiders are.

Not everyone makes good treats. Some people make horrendous cookies. Others go the easy way and buy some goodies from the store. I could do that myself, and make sure it was something I wanted. The same with Christmas neighbor gifts. I don't need any more plates of candy or cookies. I certainly don't need any bottles of Sprite with a tag wishing me that my "days be merry and Sprite." I don't need bags of marshmallows labeled ghost poop. I don't need more Christmas ornaments. It would be nice if neighbors would spend the money and time consumed in creating and delivering neighbor gifts and instead used those resources on the local food bank, or other community needs.

But maybe I'm just being a little cranky because our house if often overlooked by the Halloween Ghost. I can't imagine why. Maybe it has to go with the go away or else sign in my front yard…